Happy Times

Wow it has been a long time since writing here.  So much has happened in my life!  I decided to share just one memory. Almost one year ago Kevin asked me to marry him.  I couldn't be happier in this video. It was taken just after he asked.  It isn't the best video so dark, but it makes me smile and laugh to watch it.  I so happy to have his support and love and we venture through life together.  Next step is getting married which will happen in June!

Crossroad

I was thinking how I haven't written for a while and I then I started reading my old posts. I read the one I wrote just one year ago and again I find myself reflecting on the last year and what is to come for this next year. Last year I said I wanted to try to be more honest with myself and to others as well working on continuing to "focusing on the journey and not the destination." I think I made baby steps on being more honest but I still have a ways to go. As for focusing on the journey... I made an attempted and I am not sure if I liked it. Do I feel like I was less stressed this past year? In some ways yes, but I guess I am not sure where the journey I am on is going to take me. I feel like maybe I need to have a destination in mind and then I can focus more on the journey. So at the start of 2011 I find myself at a crossroad, a fork in the road and I am not sure which way to go or what I want my destination to be. Part of me thinks that my destination might have changed.

I have always wanted to be a teacher. I have loved working with kids, and seeing their eyes light up when they learn or discover something new. These last three years I have been a substitute teacher and although I know I am still a teacher it isn't the same. I feel like I am not making the difference in the students' lives as I would like to. The problem is that finding a teaching job or really any job, right now is not that easy especially where I live. Many of the school districts are having to cut teaching positions or if they don't they aren't opening up new positions. I am not sure if this is the same in other parts of the country, but what I have heard a lot of the bigger cities are the same boat. It is making me questions whether I want to continue looking for a teaching position or try another avenue.

I have thought about maybe going to a different level of teaching such as preschool but I am not too excited about working in a daycare again. I have also thought about moving, but to where I don't know. I don't really want to move away from my support system of family and friends, but at the same time maybe I need to. Maybe I need to try living on my own, experience someplace new, a start fresh. I feel like now might be the time to try seeing I don't have a significant other or really anything else tying me down.

This year may be the year of change. Changing my destination in life, changing my location, or ....just changing my thinking. Chang is not always easy and not something I always enjoy but it is a part of life whether I like it or not. I don't know for sure what this new year will bring but ready or not here it comes....Happy 2011!

Surprises

I was watching the movie A Lot Like Love today. There is a part in the movie where the main girl Emily finds a roll of old film that needs to be developed. It was a roll that she had forgotten about and had some really old photos on it. I remember the time before digital cameras when you had to wait until you took all 24 pictures to develop the film. I often times didn't take all 24 pictures at one time so by the time I would finish the roll and develop it the pictures would be a surprise. I feel that that doesn't happen as much because a lot of things are instant now. You can take a picture and instantly see it and if you don't like it you can delete it. You can send a letter to a friend via email and you don't have to wait 3 plus days to get a response back like you would with "snail mail". I do think that these things are good inventions but I also miss the surprises. I rarely ever get letter through the mail anymore, and I miss that sometimes. Granted I don't send letters via the mail much either and maybe if I did I would get letters back. But my point is that I miss surprises. Whether it is finding a roll of film to develop, getting flowers just because, or even just having someone stop by to say hi without telling you before hand. These may seem like simple things but I feel like they are sometimes hard to do, which makes them even that much more special.

I am the time a person that loves to have things planned, even if i sometimes thing I am a go with the flow type of person. I feel like that takes away some of the surprise when everything is planned. But living day to day like I am trying to do is harder than you might think, but something I am really trying to do. I am often surprised at the things I see and do when I slow down and don't plan everything. But at the same time if we had too many surprises in life they wouldn't be surprises. There is a place for emails, and snail mail, and for digital and the old rolls of 35 mm film. I guess my point is not to plan so much and be so closed off so that you miss the little surprises either in nature or ones that you find or that people give you.

Sunshine and Smiles

The sun is out today, and has been for the last few days. I love the rain that we normal get here in the northwest corner of the US, but I love when the sun is out too! I tried living in a sunny place for a few years and as much as it was nice to see the sun 80% of the time I missed the rain and it was too hot. However I still the the sun! I have homework to get done but it is hard focusing when the sun is out. I have brought my laptop outside in hopes that I could get my paper written while enjoying the sun on my back and here I am writing a blog :).
The sun makes me think of all the things I love. The things that can make me smile. Here are a few (in no order):

1. Ice cream
2. Sunshine
3. Rain
4. Hugs
5. Blowing Bubbles
6. Hot Tubing
7. Swimming
8. Walks
9. Bike Rides
10. Camping
11. The beach
12. Friends
13. Cupcakes
14. Chi Tea
15. Strawberries
16. Family
17. My cat
18. Baths
19. Listening to Music
20. Swinging

I think it is good to list the things that we love. It is good to remember when things are good and when things are not so good, all the wonderful things we have in our lives and the things that can make us smile. I realize that I think too much about the future. What I hope to have or do one day. I have been trying to focus more on the now. What can I do right now? What are the good things in my live and not focusing on the things that could be. I am not saying that it is bad to focus on the future. Having goals and dreams are good, but it needs to be balanced with the things in the now too. Speaking of the now I better get back to it. Enjoying the sun while it lasts and hoepfully getting some of my homework done as well.

Holidays

I love the last few months of the end of the year, with them brings holidays, family time, friends, sweets like cookies candy, fudge, and cupcakes, peppermint and pumpkin things, singing, lights and a feeling of love and happiness. But along with all the wonderful things they can also come stress. Stress of family, eating too much (even if it is yummy things), trying to see all your friends that have come back into town, finding the perfect gift, and not having money. Sometimes I feel that we have lost the really meaning of the holiday and this time of year. Yes, part of that maybe the religious part but I feel is it also togetherness. Being with people we love, sharing smiles, and hugs and talking to others.

This year I tried something different. I tried instead of buying many gifts I tried to either make gifts or gave the gift of time. I spent time with people instead of buying them something they might not like or use. I have to admit it didn't work as well as I wanted. I felt like I needed to buy things for others, however when I did it was something I knew they could really use. But I can tell you one thing. It helped to make my holidays less stressful and more enjoyable. I was less worried about buying things and had more time to spend with family and friends.

With the start of the new year brings a time of reflection. A time for many to make resolutions. As I took down the last of my decorations I thought about the new year and this year I am going to continue with my goal of "focusing on the journey and not the destination" in hopes that it will bring less stress to my life. Also I am going to try to be more honest with myself and others. I have in the past been scared to say what I really feel, scared I might hurts others feelings or be laughed at. By not sharing how I feel I wasn't being honest with myself or others and I know I missed out on things because of that. When setting goals you have to be realistic, be true to yourself and take baby steps. A friend told me that resolutions can be new or continuing and this year I have one of each :).

Hugs

I love little kids hugs! Yesterday at work a little girl just comes up and hugs me and then at the end of the day a little boy that I yelled at quite a few times comes and gives me a hug. I haven't always been a hugging person and many can tell you that. I didn't grow up in a hugging family and it wasn't really until I was older that I started being a hugging person. Now when I leave my parents house I have to hug them goodbye. When I see my cousins that I don't see often they know that I will want a hug before I leave. It is funny.


I feel that a hug is something so innocent yet intimate at the same time. And I guess it depends on who the hug is with. Hugs bring so much love and happiness into a live and they are so simple to give. I often don't think I am very good at giving hugs... although some have told me I give pretty good hugs. I think guys give the best hugs. I know two guys which give the best hugs. Sadly I don't get many hugs from them but it is always nice when I do. Maybe it is just feeling safe in someones arms that makes you feel warm and loved.


So although I am still working on my hugs and I don't often initiate hugs I still love them. So think about this. Hugs are free and something everyone can do. They show and give friendship, love, support, and comfort. Who have you hugged today?